Make Your Man's Life Easier

My dad called me a few days ago and I’m not sure how we got on the topic, but he started telling me things that he thinks are helpful when communicated in relationships. Now, this blog’s target audience is girls so this post is going to be geared towards what girls should be communicating in relationships to help their man out, but if any dudes are reading this – this is beneficial for you too.

If you’re not dating someone, you still are involved in relationships. Even with friends and family it’s incredibly important to communicate your needs. If you’re not communicating them, then they’re not going to be met, and if needs aren’t being met, the relationship isn’t healthy.

When we enter new relationships, romantic or platonic, its usually because we have an initial attraction or connection to someone, but in order to sustain the relationship, needs must be met and intentionality must be pursued.

So, whether you and your friends need to have a re-get-to-know-you night, you’re in a new relationship, or have a long-time valentine, these are great topics to discuss to make sure everyone is being loved well.

P.S. these did not all come from my brain. I talked to my mom and dad about them, asked a couple guy friends and my roomie. The people I asked are all in different stages of relationships and it was fun to hear what they think! I am most definitely not an expert on relationships, but I’ve learned a lot through the relationships I’ve been in, trust me I’ve learned a lot through writing this post!

Let’s start with two things my dad told me:

1 Make Wish Lists

There are multiple reasons that gifts may be needed throughout the year. Birthdays, valentine’s, Christmas, anniversaries, etc. Sometime the people you love the most and know the best are the hardest to shop for, and for some reason, guys find girls really hard to shop for. My best idea for this: amazon wish lists. You can make one that can be shared, and you can continue to add things to it overtime. I honestly suggest asking your significant other to do the same for you as well. (Take it from someone who almost bought the entire 6th Sense store out for her bf because all he could think of wanting for his bday was fishing supplies.)

For those of you that may like some higher quality items, most jewelry stores have an option to make an “in-store wish list”. You can go in and look around and the store will make a file under your name with items that you like so if your bf needs to buy you something real nice, he’s got some options he already knows you’ll love.

2 Pick Perfumes Together

This is something my dad has ALWAYS advised me to do. Guys have different noses than us girls, and our pretty flower scents don’t always smell as good to them. I get a little pulled with this one, because if you like it baby you wear it, but also I don’t want my man’s thinking I smell funky, but also do what you want. But from experience, I love spritzing on a scent that I know is appreciated. My man personally isn’t a big fan of super sweet girly scents, so one day when he complimented by perfume I made note of it, and that’s the one I wear when I know I’m going to see him. Not to mention that it’s my favorite anyways. If you can’t seem to find one that you both like, have a scent shopping day. Go to Target or Ulta and sniff around, pick out a perfume for you and (if he’s a cologne guy) and scent for him too. It’d be a fun date idea plus it’s also a psychological thing. I could pick Cam’s scent out of a lineup while blindfolded, and if I ever smell it while out, I immediately think of him.

3 Define What You Do and Don’t Like

For example, I think roses are lovely, but yellow roses make me think of my great aunt’s funeral because they were her favorite and her casket arrangement was all yellow roses. I like chocolate, but strawberry Twizzlers are the way to my heart. I honestly don’t ever have a kind of food preference (Mexican, Japanese, Italian, etc..), but there are certain restaurants that I prefer over others within the categories.

Have this conversation with your person so that when it comes down to date nights and little gifts, your preferences are known. Even the little things like what you like to eat when you’re sad, what candy cheers you up, etc. Trust me, this will make the “just because” things easier.

And yes, these are also things you learn about a person over time, but wouldn’t it make everyone’s life easier if we had the conversation as early as possible?

4 Love Language and Expectations

This one came from my Momma, and she is spot on. If you’re going to love someone well, you need to know 2 things about the other person: what makes them feel loved and how they naturally show love.

For example, my top love languages to receive are physical touch and words of affirmation, and the way I tend to express love is words of affirmation and quality time. I’m not good at initiating physical touch, but I feel so special and loved when someone holds my hand. I won’t ever ask for your affirmation, but I will play those words on repeat in my head if you say them. When you choose to communicate these things about yourself, and learn them about your SO, it makes life easier.

I read the Love Languages book one time, and it was good, but it very much so forced the concept of “you have to love people how they want to be loved in order to love them well”. I don’t agree with this. Yes, it is nice when someone does something to love you the way you tend to crave it, but when you change your perspective to learn how someone naturally loves people, you’re able to see them loving you in more ways than you’re used to.

Let me further explain. Let’s say your love language is quality time but you and your SO’s schedules are crazy, and you don’t get to see each other often. But, throughout the time you don’t get to see them, they’ll send you flowers or Venmo you $5 to get a coffee. You know that this person’s natural way of showing love is giving gifts. You could be upset that they’re sending you flowers instead of bringing them to you and sending money to buy you a coffee instead of taking you out for one OR you could take a step back and see that this person is still showing you love in a way that is natural to them because they can’t meet your need for quality time at the moment.

Does that make sense?

We must shift our expectations of our needs being met exactly how we describe them and keep our eyes peeled for the ways our person is telling us they love us in their own way. We all love different, and we all want to be loved different.

Now, on this topic, it is vital that you communicate expectations. Every person and every relationship is different, so you can’t expect the things you did in your last relationship, or things you’ve seen in movies to cater to the person you’re currently with. Maybe in the past it’s been expected for you to be very financially invested in the relationship, but now money and luxury items aren’t important. Maybe in the past you’ve been expected to spend every ounce of your free time with someone, but your current relationship appreciates independence. If your needs and expectations aren’t communicated, they rarely are going to be met in any way.

I think relationship expectations and love languages are closely related – and I think both are extremely important.

5 How You Communicate/Process Emotions

We all do this differently. Some people like to take time to process internally, thinking through a situation and evaluating it before speaking about it. Some people like to process externally, talking through it, hearing all the sides to the story. When emotions are involved, it’s rocky ground unless you know how to navigate it. Your person may get upset because they think you don’t want to talk to them about something that happened, or you don’t want to have the make-up conversation right after the argument, when you just need to process. Or maybe they keep giving you advice when you just need someone to listen. If you have a conversation about what you need when there’s a lot of emotion surrounding a situation, then your person will be able to help, respect, and comfort much better. Arguments can be avoided, and instead conversations can be had.

6 Ask Up Front Questions

When my parents had been going on dates for a while, my mom looked at him one night and asked him a question that terrified him: “Am I a buddy or a date?”. I personally think this is very up front, but my dad claims that it’s vague, why? Because my dad saw my mom as a buddy AND a date. He saw her as his best friend while also being the girl he was seeing. He ended up answering date, which was the correct answer, and they’ve been married for 32 years now.

My point of sharing that story is that sometimes things that make perfect sense in the girl brain, do not translate the same way to the boy brain. So when you have a question, ask it bluntly, and ask that your person do the same. There’s no need for fluff, just ask the question straight up, it’ll save time and trouble.

I'm sure there's a lot more that could be added to this list. But consider these things as a launching pad. I know some of these things were more fun and practical and others were more serious, but I truly believe that if you make an effort to communicate vulnerably within your relationships, it will help both you and your person out.

So make your man's life a little easier, tell him your favorites and explain a little about how your brain works, and ask him to share that with you too. Take the chance to maybe learn something new about them!

Go start making your wishlists!

ttyl,

Carrie